Anodyne

Words are such complex things.

I have a marvelous friend with whom I can discuss the most pointless, answer-less topics. It is great. For instance, a while back we were discussing cuss words, and the power of a word. Suppose you asked someone from another country to teach you a word. As a joke, they teach you a terrible cuss word and tell you that it means something else. Well, every time you use that word, you are speaking a cuss word, but are you cussing? This takes us deeper into the subject: is it the word or the intent? I say intent. Haha, a word means nothing until meaning is put upon it, and that is done by using more words! (I can't help but smile; I love this stuff!) But to follow up on the cussing: if the intent is what makes the word unspeakable, does it matter that we substitute these words with lesser ones? Isn't our intention for the word the same?

So, let's go deeper. I was also mulling over the idea of what makes us, humans, different from animals. There seems to be a lot of answers to that question like morals, principles, intelligence, and the ability to speak. However, if you watch Animal Planet, you can find many examples of families, communities, rules, problem solving, team work, and communication that animals follow as well. I remember this show called "Meerkat Manor". No lie, it was a show solely devoted to the soap opera of a meerkat colony. I challenge you to go past the "superior human" complex and really think about the authenticity of this superiority. Are we really that different from animals?








"LOVE, Amanda, love! We've got love!" you argue.

"Oh yes, love." I reply. "So your dog doesn't get ecstatic at your return? Your cat doesn't purr and rub against you when you enter the room? Does your pet act completely normal after the death of a fellow pet? Do eagles, swans, wolves, and some penguins not mate for life?"

Now, please don't get upset. The purpose of this isn't to make you feel animalistic. There is something special about us. However, I still don't think that we can make ourselves superior to animals; it is the One who made us that does that.

Hebrews 8:10 (which is a reference to Jeremiah 31:33) says, "I will put my laws in their minds, and write them on their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." Wow! My favorite part is the last one: "I will be their God, and they shall be my people." That makes me excited and comforted. God has declared himself our God! He will be our Guide, our Creator, our Mentor, the Guy Taking Care of Us.

He has also declared us as his people! THIS is what makes us special, God's special attention to us. He will teach us how to act human, the creation made after His own image. He will put into our minds and hearts His wishes. He could have easily declared the meerkats as his people, but instead, He chose us.

Sometimes I feel as if we Christians get too involved with ourselves. We worry about representing God correctly, about doing what He wants, about acting Christian, and about how our actions affect others. Philippians 4:13 is often referenced as a source of encouragement for us during our struggle: "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." I have a funny story to go along with this. Before I went off to college, the pottery painting shop where I worked let me pick out anything and paint it as a graduation gift. I chose a cross and painted it with a colorful floral design to match my bright, tropical room. I wanted to put my favorite verse at the time, Phil. 4:13, on the cross, but my handwriting is as neat as a second grader's. I asked my boss, an amazing artist, if he could please paint this inspirational verse in the center before he fired it. Well, he painted EXACTLY what I wrote down, which was "Phillippians 4:13". Yes, my spelling is as good as my handwriting. So now I have a cross referencing all that we can do through Christ along with an extra "l" in "Philippians". Oh the irony!

I realized that the way we use this verse is actually backwards. It isn't about what I can do through Christ; it is what HE can do through me. It isn't me who leads others to our Lord; it is Christ in me and in them that leads them to Himself. I have changed this verse: "Christ can do all things through me, if He chooses." I am reminded that Jesus is on my side, and He will empower me for whatever He wants me to do. I am also reminded that I am Amanda, and He is God. Suppose I decide to be a Christian singer who spreads the Word of God through her music, but it isn't what God wants. Well, I can sing with all of my heart and repeat Phil 4:13 over and over again, but I won't be able to woo anyone over to the Lord with my tone-deaf voice. God has a plan for all of us, and we have to be willing to let Him work in and through us as He wants to.

Every week, I try to learn a new, fun word. This week's is "anodyne": something that soothes or comforts. God is my anodyne, and "Christ can do all things through me, if He chooses" reminds me of that. God is in control. There is something in us humans that God loves. You could say that we are the favorite child. We have to remember that we are only children, and we have to remember who our Father is. Remember that He DID choose. He chose to be our God, our Father, our Savior, our Helper, our Friend. He chose us as His children.

To me, that choice is such an anodyne...

Oops...

So, last weekend was a great one and then again a tainted one. I got to sleep in, which is always a plus. I also just relaxed. Sunday was so fantastic because it was Craft Day! Painting, writing, digging out all of my old creative notebooks...I loved it. After nearly four months of a creative block, the creative juices started flowing again! Thank You, God! Haha, now I have trouble focusing on my work because all I want to do is paint and draw and write.

The part that wasn't so great really effected me. All weekend and even Monday, I was not in a great mood because of it. So, what happened was that a friend of mine really hurt me. I'm not sure if they meant to or not, but the act was done. For the first time in a very, very long time, I was incredibly angry at someone. I tried to let it go, to forgive them, and give it to God, but I was continuously bombarded with ideas of things I could have said to the person to hurt them like they had hurt me. I could have said some things that would have been way below the belt, but thanks to God, I was given enough self control to hold back and think about the pain I would cause and the avalanche of drama that snowball comment would start.

Tuesday night, I finally sat down, turned on the classical music, and wrote everything out so God and I could figure out what was going on and going to happen. I was finally able to let the incident go for the most part. I still feel a sting when I think about it, but I am no longer angry.

Now, I do have a point to all of this; it isn't just a confession. While I was pouring everything out, I realized that I had had an "oops" moment. I'm not going to "tell on" the person, but in basics, I could tell that something was bothering them, that they were suffering. I really, really care about this person, so I hurt when they hurt. I tried to ask them what was wrong and if I could do anything for them. From my point of view, it felt as if they spat back at me and told me to butt-out, to not care about them, to let them go their own way. That rejection is what really hurt me and made me angry. Well, I read over my thoughts last night, and realized that I have done the very same thing to God!

Oops!

Oh! The shameful feelings that came with that revelation! I was so hurt when my friend rejected my care and help; I can't even imagine how God feels when I do the very same thing to Him! I'll be going through a problem and not go to Him for comfort and guidance. I'll spiritually shout, "No, I'll solve this myself! I alone will defeat it!" If I was hurt so much by the person I care about, I can't even imagine how much Jesus, who loves me more than anyone possibly could, is hurt when I do the very same thing! My eyes were definitely opened to my actions, and I have been humbled.

To add to this revelation, Girl's Small Group Wednesday focused on God's grace. Despite my prideful rejection of His help, He still loves and cares for me. He never turns away, even when I ask for it and act like an ornery child. He never says things that would make me cringe and hurt like I had hurt Him. That is grace: it is always given, ignoring if it is deserved or not. It is a result of love, and what unending love He gives us!

There are a few songs that I just love below. They remind me of how undeserving we are of God's opulence and how incredibly indescribable His love is. They remind me of what grace is and what our Lord has done to give us that grace. And, it was all done despite our rejection. Grace has such a soft connotation, but what a powerful gift it is! Through grace, we are eternally saved. Through grace, we are no longer alone. Through grace, we have a Rock upon which we can stand, we have an embrace into which we can cry, we have a God with whom we can celebrate and enjoy the life He has given us! Wow...

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)--Chris Tomlin

Who Am I--Casting Crowns

Indescribable--Chris Tomlin

Our Very Essence

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28

You know, it really is amazing how all things seem to work together. It seems that for the past several years, there have been themes of the year. There was the Year to Find Who I Am, the Year to Find My Place, and now, the Year of Living Water. I find myself craving the refreshing, pervasive drink of Living Water, Jesus. Since the beginning of the summer, I have constantly been reassessing my role and conduct as a Christian. It seems that for the past year, I have been fixed completely upon communication with God. Prayer is the main focal point of my life lately. I have wondered how to pray and what for. I will often times run in circles in my prayer. Thanking God for all of His blessing, I have no problems with. The problems arrive when I am presenting a troubling situation to my Father. I start with letting Him know what concerns me, but then my thoughts turn to His omniscience and how He already knows what is going on. I reflect upon His knowledge and then ask Him how He would like for me to pray for the problem. I soon realize that I am an inefficient prayer and turn to woeful, selfish thoughts about how terrible I am about knowing the Lord's heart. In not knowing His heart, I have failed as a Christian...My prayer turns from the concern for a suffering friend to the fretting of my praying ability! I can't help but smile (and perhaps Jesus will join me) at the irony of the situation.

They always talk about peaks and valleys in the spiritual roller coaster we ride on Earth, how we will have high and low points. I think I have been going through one of those bumpy parts of the ride where there are just short waves as the coaster car flies through them. I have had elevated moments where I am so close to the Lord, but then by the end of the week, I will be craving His presence.

Two weekends back, I was in one of those troughs. Just in time, the Wesley Foundation took a fall retreat to Mount Eagle, a glorious place where the beautiful creativeness of God echos through the river valley carved out of the Ouachita Mountains. Imagine sitting on a stone ledge. In front of you is a bird's-eye view of a magnificent river valley with stone and forest-faced walls. Hawks glide effortlessly along, and all around you, you hear the scampering of little feet and the dripping of the rain-moistened woods. While you are sitting on this secure stone ledge, there is another Rock in you lap, the Lord's Word...and thus was my setting. For 30 minutes, we were to go out on our own and have some personal God-time. It was this place where I began to reflect upon what I was doing versus what I should have been doing. After more irritating thought-circles, I finally accomplished what I though impossible: I cleared my mind and listened to the Lord. And do you know what the first thing to pop into my head was? Biology!

Lately, I have been studying cells, and in particular, cell membranes. I will try to refrain from becoming too scientific, but much of what I am about to tell you is pertinent to what Jesus revealed to me.


So, cell membranes are made up of what are call phospholipid bilayers. In other words, cell membranes are made of two layers of phospholipids. The most important thing about a phospholipid is its properties: it has a head that is hydrophilic (water-loving) and a tail that is hydrophobic (water-fearing). With these properties, the cell membrane can form by having the water-loving parts along the outside and inside of the cells where the water is, and on the inside of these heads is the water-fearing part, which separates the inside of the cell from the environment, causing the cell to be a cell instead of random stuff floating in water. Without these phospholipids, cells could not be, and without cells, we could not be.

Now, perfectly does this knowledge coincide with the metaphor of Jesus, the Living Water! Without Jesus, we are dead, just as cells without water are dead, but what about the bilayer separating us from God? We are not angels, and we are not demons. We are human; we have both good and evil in us. We have that God-loving side to us, the one always yearning for Him. However, we also have that God-fearing side, the one wanting to pull away, to hide its face from the Living Water. This God-fearing side can manifest itself in each of us differently. I know specifically that the make up of my God-fearing side is pride. It could also be addiction, impurity, or anything else that pulls us away from God.

This is what the Lord revealed to me that morning, and I thank Him so much for it. While this revelation isn't a happy one, it is one that greatly helps me because I am one who needs to know the face of her enemy. Paul once wrote this struggle of his in Romans 7: "¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I understand! I can now picture my pride as my God-fearing side, and I can expect to fight this pride all of my earthly life because it is a part of my essence, just as Paul struggled with his sin.

I am not alone in this fight, though. The Lord provides the answer through yet more cell biology: Laminin. From what I understand, this protein will reach through the bilayer and anchor itself in the water-fearing tails, holding cells together. And laminin's shape can't be a coincidence! It is just one more magnificent example of God's design: that even before Jesus died on the cross, God made us with the cross holding us together! I just LOVE this stuff! It's like reading a favorite book again and seeing the clever clues interlaced in the story leading to the end. Jesus will go beyond our God-loving side; He will grab hold of our God-fearing side and hold us together. THAT is a happy revelation! Now, read this verse in light of what the Lord revealed on that ledge:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28

Joy and an Audience

Lately, I have had such a peace. I can feel the love of the Lord. There are so many things to do and worry about, but I just have a calm attitude for them. A few days back I had one of my "philosophical meltdowns." I am one who thinks about, worries about, tries to solve, and gets consumed by the problems of the world. I just want to do something but am lost about what to do. I get tired of these moments, and have lately been troubled by what I need to do as a Christian. I know that this world is sinful, and I also know that as a follower of Christ I am not to follow the world, to not be a part of it. I have been wondering if I need to care so much, if I should just let the world destroy itself and look forward to Heaven. I finally reached out to a mentor as to what I should do and got great comfort from the answer. To reaffirm the answer, the entry for today in My Utmost for His Highest talked specifically about getting consumed by the world's problems. We must always turn to Jesus and His peace.

My mentor and Chambers gave me the entire picture. When we are consumed by worry, fear, and hopelessness, we must turn to Jesus; we must run to our Father. We must cry in His arms and let Him comfort us. When we are getting bogged down by the troubles of the world, we are actually being stubborn and even prideful. When I am going through those feelings and thoughts, I am actually believing that I can actually do something all by myself. I think that I am strong enough, smart enough, powerful enough to set the world right. Again, I am like a person crawling lost in the desert. I desperately need some water, and Jesus offers cool, refreshing, uplifting water, but I am determined to get to the water that I see in the mirage before me. What I see could be a mirage or it could even be real, but the point is that I am refusing even better water that Jesus is offering and bringing to my exhausted self. Let go, give up, we can't make it to the mirage. Take the water of Jesus, let Him comfort and take care of you.

The moment His water of peace touches your lips, everything changes. The problems of the world are still there, but instead of looking up at them from your hands and knees, you can now stand with His strength and look at it from a different angle. You don't need to detach yourself from the world as I was thinking; you don't need to be consumed with the breaking worry of solving the problems, though. He fills you with peace, love, and joy. You are lifted up with the joy of life. Maybe I can make a difference and alleviate the world of some problem, but that is not what my life is for. He gave me life to enjoy the beauty that He created around me and to love Him. I am filled with such an uplifting compassion for His creation. I see others who are troubled and want to dance around them until they join me in admiring God's awesomeness.

Don't be afraid to show this joy. Britt Nicole has a great song called "The Lost Get Found" saying exactly that: don't hold back, God's love and joy from your audience. And who is your audience? You never know.

Two days ago, I almost got hit by a huge red truck in the Walmart parking lot. I was parked two slots down from the cart cage, and the slot between the cart cage and my car was empty. Well, I put my cart up and turned to go to my car when some one behind me suddenly shouts, "look out!" I look up and step back just in time for this truck to pull into the empty spot I was just about to cross. I was literally a foot away from being hit by this truck swinging into the spot. I look back at the guy who had warned me, a little shock by what had just happened. "Girl! He almost hit you!" the man exclaimed. I just give a shocked laugh and reply, "yeah, that was close." I quickly walk around the truck, get into my car, and thanked God for saving me. I wasn't filled with anger toward this driver, though. I wasn't hidden by anything, so I was a little peeved that he hadn't watched for me or waited for me to cross the spot, but I wasn't angry. We were both at fault: I wasn't paying attention, and the driver was on his cell phone coming from behind me. We both should have been more attentive to our surroundings.

I turned my car on and was about to leave when he opens his door and steps out, still on the phone. When those around me are outside of their cars, I will wait until they are in the cars or out of the way, just in case. Well, the thought ran through my head to just go ahead and back up, maybe my side mirror will get close to him and spook him like he had done to me. I waited though. I was safe, so no more action needed to be related to the event, and I didn't think that God would condone such a responce. Waiting was a very good decision. He opens his back door, and twin six-year-old boys hop out. What if I had banged on this guy's car, cussed at him, and made a scene? What kind of example would I have beento him and those boys? if I had suddenly backed up, what if those boys had jumped out right behind me? What about the guy who had shouted at me; what kind of example to him would I have been? I could have talked about what a jerk the driver was; the guy who shouted was probably expecting it. I'm not saying that I am a saint in this situation; ha, I was more shocked than anything else. God gave me His protection and His joy, and he also reminded me that we never know who is watching.

Science or God?

I see God everywhere! Sometimes, I just get giddy with all of the wonders God has surrounded me with. In relation to this question, my opinion is that science proves God. Now, I know that we aren't supposed to be proving God. That goes against the whole faith thing as I went into a few entries ago. But it is one of those things where the more and more you study the creation, you can see the Creator. It seems a terrible stereotype that scientists and those in the medical professions are prime people to not be religions. I come from a line of people in the medical field and plan to continue in the tradition. I also love to learn about how things work in this amazing world. It saddens me that people would expect my family and me to not be religious just because we know how things work. If anything, it makes me more religious because I realize how fragile and complex life is. This reality cannot just be a random accident!

Being a General Science major, I am putting my thumb into every science pie that is out there. I am studying Chemistry, Physics, Astronomy, Biology...Now, everyone who has taken a science, I'm sure you remember that whatever science it was, the professor was certain that that science was the correct one with the others just being tangents from that main field. It is actually a funny battle to listen to. But back to my point, as I study all of these different sciences, I can see the beauty, complexity, and mind-blowing miracle of the world we live in. Everything just works together too perfectly to be randomly made. From Chemistry, how could the Periodic Table have been mapped so easily?! Every element falls into its own special place in this alphabet of creation's ingredients so perfectly. I will save you from a chemistry lesson, but just realize that the way the elements (the very things that make us) work together is way too organized. (For one example, the numbers in the corner aren't just numbers for each element, they are how many protons make the element; a small change that makes a BIG difference, a whole new element!)

I can talk about example after example of little instances in these sciences where a Creator is evident. Just look at the big picture (this Nebula is actually called the Eye of God), beyond our world, beyond our universe, beyond our galaxy! Space's vastness, magnitude, and beauty will really put you in your place. It is nothingness, and yet full of everything. It is chaos, and yet order. It is the boundary, and yet still expanding. It is dark, and yet full of light. Now zoom into our world. How can it be that we are such a unique planet?! There isn't another planet that we know of like Earth. Everything fell into perfect place for life to thrive. The distance from the Sun was perfect. Just look at our neighbors, Venus and Mars. One is a ball of gas, and the other is a frozen mass. And then, the tilt of our planet was just right. There are so many things that are just right.

Now, lets zoom in closer to the microscopic level. As I said before with the Periodic Table, all of those little bitty atoms are working together so well that life can continue. I could go on and on about how miraculous life is! Just look at our bodies: how we heal, how we think, how we move, how we breathe, how we reproduce! Is there anything that we have created that works as well as living organisms?! Here is one specific example of the little things that show our Creator: Laminin! The video that is linked explains everything, so I won't tell you what it is. This stuff is SO amazing, though. And God is SO evident in this little thing.

I believe that God created everything for us. He created us in His own image, so we want to create like He creates, and we want to understand everything around us because He understands it. I picture Him as a parent giving His children a clue for a treasure hunt He created for them. The more and more we understand how things work around us, we see more and more the design, the unbelievable attention to detail, the breath-taking wonder of it all. Every time I am blown away by the beauty of science, I just want to cry out "Thank you, God! For such a discovery!"

For a beautiful story of creation, here is the Creation Story

Got A Few Questions?

So, while my last post was about not arguing, I would still like to share a few things to encourage others about the Christian opinion. There are a few links here that I really, really like, and there are a few questions that I think I have somewhat of an answer to.

Question 1: If God knows everything, how do I have free will?
I have puzzled over this question for some time. It does seem contradictory to say that God knows everything that is, was, and will be while also saying that He respects our free will. I will admit that the answer to this one came to me while daydreaming a little bit in church. I was still thinking about God, just where He would take the story I am writing instead of listening to my pastor. I have kind of been in a stuck spot. You could call it writer's block, but it has been very long term. I was asking God what I should write and where I should take the story, when I was suddenly hit with a thought. We are God's story! 'Well, duh, Amanda. I knew that. God's tapestry and all of that...' But the meaning of that statement just lit up for me. From an author's point of view, I have created these characters in my story. They look like, act like, and desire what I write for them to. I know what I want them to do; I know what their purpose is; I know what has happened, is happening, and will happen to them. Basically, these poor characters have to do what I want them to and have no free will, or so it seems...If you read a story, do the characters seem forced to do anything by the author? In a really good story, do you realize that there is an author behind the story's events? Maybe I just get too into stories, but I forget that the story I am reading was completely dictated by the author. The characters reason themselves through their choice. Every action is believable and completely backed by the character's own opinion. There is no 'and suddenly he went to Africa for no reason what so ever, he was just commanded by an unknown source.' It is 'he suddenly went to Africa because of the urgent letter from his sister and HE CHOSE TO GO.'

God may know what will happen to us and what we are going to do, but we still have our own free choice. It isn't that He knows what you are going to do because He is forcing you, and you have no free will. He knows what you are going to do because He knows you so well. The story about the Pharaoh in the Moses story always bugged me. In the story, Pharaoh repeatedly decided to listen to the Lord and let the Isrealites go from their Egyptian slavery after the terrible plagues, but then the story goes that 'God hardened his heart' (this is the wording from the Bible I read as a kid) and he changed his mind. I thought, 'poor guy, he had no chance because God was just making him ask for more punishment.' Now, I understand that it was just the way God made him; God put that stubbornness in him, and he used it against God. God knew what he was going to do, but Pharaoh chose to do it.

Question 2: Why does God allow suffering in the world?
This is directly related to the question above. Get back to the story metaphor. In a story, honestly, all of the bad things that happen to the protagonist are all known and "allowed" by the author, but it isn't the author that causes them in the story. No, it is mistakes or bad choices made by that protagonist, a flaw and evil in their character that is haunting them; it is from the evil in others as well. We are human, so we have both good and evil in us. It isn't compatible with God's perfect ways to just, poof!, get rid of all the evil in us; that would completely get rid of our choice to follow Him or the Evil One. Bad things happen because of our own actions and choices or the actions and choices of others. The good news is that God doesn't allow these bad things to overtake us. He is always there to support you, to help point you in the right direction. In the Bible, Psalm 30, Phillippians 1:19, Hebrews 4:16, and Mark 10:27 all tell us that God will help us. There is always a way out. Also, just think that those bad times in the story are times where the protagonist can shine at their brightest or fall to their lowest, but in some form or fashion, help is there with them.

'Well, what about cancer?! A lot of that stuff wasn't caused by bad choices!' There was a letter that rounded the emails that answered this question better than I can. There was also Logan, the Sky Angel Cowboy, who gives us God's comforting message. Just remember that evil causes pain, suffering, and trials, and God causes all of the good in our lives. He also gives us the comfort and support to fight evil. And always remember that good does prevail in the end. Just read the book of Revelations.

An Arguement About Arguement

You know, I started out with a different purpose for this entry. I was going to find videos on YouTube proving the existence of God. I was searching and searching and then, it dawned on me: this argument has always been argued. There have been those on both sides of the fence, shouting their defenses. Who was I to think that I could be the logical, passionate, all-winning voice that swayed everyone to the Lord's side?! It was a prideful ambition, and i hope you can forgive me! No, as much as I'd like to be that one, I won't be, and no one will be. The only human being with that power is Jesus Himself, and sadly, it seems as if even HE can't sway some people's opinions, not until it is too late. It's not a hopeless case, though. Jesus commanded in the Great Commission, "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen. (Matthew 28:18-20).



I saw both videos arguing for and against God, and realized that if we plan to ever let the Lord save people through us Christians, we have to stop arguing. We must remember that what we have is the ultimate love, and that love comes through faith. Argument is a complete 180 from faith.

Think of someone who loves you very much and is illogically generous: parents, siblings, spouse, child, friend...because they love you, you trust them to be there for you, to be there in tough times and in fantastic celebrations. You would trust them with your life because you know they love you. Now, look at that person through a stranger's eyes. This person could be in the car next to them, in line behind them, in the movie theater seat in front of them. Would this person trust their life with your loved one? Absolutely not! You could argue and argue until you were blue what an amazing person this loved one is. In the end, this stranger would simply reply, "well, that's your experience."

The only thing that can convince this stranger of the loved one's absolute love is if they experience that love for themselves. In the end, it is all up to God. That is why I have actually decided to not write about the a fore mentioned Chrysalis experience. It is only a story where my fellow Christians will nod their heads in understanding, and the non-believers will simply shake their heads mumbling that I just got caught up in the moment and lost my head. There is nothing that I could say that would convince anyone who didn't know me that the experience was real. That marvelous moment was between me and God with no audience. Simply know that it did happen, and I was changed by it.

And so, we follow Christ's example. We love as He loves. We teach what He taught. A lesson about evangelizing was taught at my church with the punch line: use your mouth as a last resort. The Enemy can fight back easily with the tongue (it is his specialty), but how can anyone argue against action? So, while you do the walkin', let God do the talkin'.

The Lord's Prayer

Praying is how we talk to God. It is often times one of the first things you learn to do, but I find it so doggone difficult sometimes. It can be just random mumblings of my mind, a commentary on what is happening to me at the moment, a wish list...I worry so much about how I should pray. Am I being disrespectful by being very casual? Am I praying about the right thing? Think about it, God is, well, God. He’s the CREATOR OF EVERYTHING for goodness sakes! That's kind of intimidating to me. Who am I to ask Him for anything?! And then sometimes, I feel as if prayer is just treating God like a waiter; we put in our order, expecting to get what we asked for, and then tip and complement God if it is fulfilled…I hate that idea and feeling. Well, I remembered that Jesus was asked a very similar question by the disciples: how do we pray? And He gave them the Lord’s Prayer. I went back and just really read and studied the prayer we rattle off (I confess that it happens with me) in church every Sunday…I have broken it up to what makes sense to me and commented on what I think it means…

“OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BY THY NAME.”

Greeting, declaration of God’s godliness. But, there is also “Father.” God is caring, providing, and loving, not a cold dictator. It is interesting that we start with “Our Father” and not “Holy God” or “Almighty, powerful God.” God is Jesus’ Father, and Jesus now makes us family. The fact that we say “our” also shows our kinship to each other. The plural “our” instead of “my” can also tell us that we are one. Being a Christian isn’t completely an individual thing.

“THY KINGDOM COME, THY WILL BE DONE, ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.”

After the greeting, we ask that God be in control. We ask that he come to Earth and make it a part of his kingdom. We are pledging ourselves to him, saying that we think His judgment is best.

“GIVE US, THIS DAY, OUR DAILY BREAD,”

“Day” and “daily’ both occur in this part, reiterating the importance of living day by day. Need to remember to take it one day at a time, trusting that God will give us what we need. It also shows the importance of the small things. God will give you something as small as daily bread; He can handle the bigger things, too. We can substitute anything for “daily bread”: “daily breath,” “daily health,” “daily patience”…? God is a big God and gives us everything we need.

“AND FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES, AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US.”

We are human, so we sin ALL of the time. We should continuously humble ourselves before God and ask for forgiveness. Going back to the previous part, this is a daily thing. Each day is a new one, and when we ask for forgiveness, we are saying that we plan to not do it again. This is a big part and needs to be repeated: we are saying that we plan to not do it again. Of course, we will fail again and again, but always ask for forgiveness and try again. Jesus died so that we can be forgiven. Also, we as Christians must follow Christ’s example, so as many times as we need to ask for forgiveness, we need to forgive others. If the Almighty Creator God forgives us, who are we to withhold forgiveness from others?!

“AND, LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL”

I’m having trouble with this section. I guess we are asking that God please protect us from the Devil and his minions. I kind of think of The Screwtape Letters characters. It is once again a pledge to follow God; He can’t lead you into temptation if you don’t follow. Perhaps with this part, we can assess what our weaknesses are, and we can ask God to help us overcome those weaknesses.

So, this is how I interpreted the prayer. I highly recommend that you also take this prayer and see what it means to you. The beauty and importance of this prayer really shines when we take the time to really pray it. Everything is pretty much covered in it as well.

The Lord's Prayer

What It's All About

Welcome! Welcome! Everyone under the Son!

I am excited to getting this blog going! For the past few years now, I have felt like the Lord has been asking me to share what He has given me. There are many times where He'll hit my forehead with 'A Ha!' moments, either in church and Bible studies, talking to a friend, or just in my reflections. I get so incredibly excited and want to tell everyone how much the Lord loves us! There are also times where I am struggling and have questions with elusive answers. It is to these conversations that I invite everyone.

So, what do you put in a first blog? A little about where I'm coming from? Well, I have always been in the Christian community; my family and friends have all been followers of Christ. I have been baptized as a Lutheran, confirmed as a Methodist, and attended a Catholic school for five years. If anyone I grew up with reads this, they will probably be shocked by what I have to tell.

As a kid, I remember myself as being a pure Christian with the cherished and longed for child-like faith. How I wish I could get my relationship with Jesus back to that innocent and complete bond! Back then, I knew that Jesus was God and that He loved me very much. I didn't question it; in fact, I seriously wondered how others could question it. I thankfully remained this way for perhaps longer than most because I stayed in such a Christian environment at the Catholic school.

I will admit one secret desire of the time. When listening to or reading the Prodigal Son, I would always feel a longing and maybe a little jealousy of God's love. Here was the Prodigal son, a person who had been selfish and bad (those who didn't follow Jesus' laws), and he was welcomed back with celebration and love of the father. I felt like the other brother who had always remained loyal to the father and wasn't acknowledged or loved as much as this bad kid (or so I understood it). I wanted God to rejoice and be happy with me like He was with the Prodigal son. I didn't dream of going against Jesus and being bad like the Prodigal son, but I did wish I could be welcomed back like him. Another story that made me feel the same way was the story about the Lost Sheep, where Jesus will leave all of the good sheep and use all of his might to find the one lost sheep. What about the good sheep? Again, I wanted the attention like the lost sheep, but didn't understand how to be in that situation.

In 8th grade, I made the New Years resolution to read the entire Bible. Surprisingly, I completed this goal, technically. It helped that I used a One Year Bible which had an Old Testament, New Testament, Proverb, and Psalm reading each day. Believe it or not, though, this was one of the things that started me down the Me path. That year was one of many changes: I moved from the very Christian, protected Catholic school to blunt, filter-less public school; I was entering Junior High; I was growing up. My mind was being introduced to all of the worldly things I had missed in Catholic school like cussing, disrespect, skimpy clothes, sexuality, and a questioning disbelief in Jesus. I didn't have church four times a week, either. At first, I was overwhelmed by all of this, but slowly, it became more and more normal and expected; I became desensitized. I also started studying other religions and realized that they think they are right just as much as I think Jesus is right.

I was also starting to, maybe not question, but re-think my views about God. My love and awe slowly turned to caution and fear. This happened because of my New Years resolution. Although it only took about fifteen to twenty minutes, the daily reading became a troublesome routine. Instead of reading to understand God better, it became a challenge to overcome. It was marred by constantly having to keep up my reading (Leviticus and Numbers were the absolute worst!) and make up what I had missed. If a vacation was coming up during the summer, I would either have to lug the big book around or just read double until I covered missed entries. I would look at a longer reading and cringe. Sometimes I would just glance through the reading to be done with it. Looking back, I honestly don't count that as reading the entire Bible because I didn't read it thoroughly.

For a long time, I had a bad taste in my mouth for reading the Bible. And as I mentioned before, it changed my view of God. I was reading all of the Old Testament stories of an angry, powerful God. I didn't see much love, just punishment. It introduced to me a side of God that I didn't realize existed. The open, welcoming arms of Jesus were replaced with the stern, shaking finger of God.

I never stopped calling myself a Christian, and I never stopped trying to follow the Christian way, but suffice it to say that I had mentally become the Prodigal daughter. I took control of my own life, and save for a few times of revival, I relied on my own abilities to get through problems. Being Christian was just a set of motions; you could even call it a habit. I didn't cuss, I wore clothes that fit, and I still went to church and youth. The purpose was muted, though.

I don't know if it was a year or two after this change, but I suddenly realized what kind of a state I was in. I wanted to be fully devoted to God and to feel His love like I had as a kid. I went about it the wrong way, though. I tried to fix myself. It's comical to think, but in a way, I attacked the Church with my action; I tried to get more and more involved in the youth, in Bible studies, in service, in playing keyboard for the Youth praise band, hoping that my passion would be sparked by my physical devotion to the Lord. Well, of course, it didn't work. The Lord was still silent and gone (or so I thought).

At the end of my junior year in High School, we (the praise band) had just finished playing for a banquet. We were packing up when my minister's wife came over to thank us. She asked me how playing in the praise band was, and I answered, 'good, I really enjoyed it and like playing the music'. She may not know this, but she pushed me off of my ledge and quickly put me in my place with just one question: 'and praising God?' I sheepishly murmured (shamefully lied) 'oh of course' and she started talking to another band member. Those three words were branded into my mind. I realized that I had been trying to be a better Christian, but instead of listening to God or even inviting Him, I was listening and welcoming me. I realized how selfish, prideful, and stubborn I had been. In trying to open the door to God, I had actually shut it by trying to do things my way. I had picked up the phone to call Him, but never dialed His number.

The Prodigal daughter had started back on the road home, I started to read a chapter of the Bible at night (at times, this started to become like the One Year Bible, but I would catch my mood and try to change). It would take a year, though, before I arrived home. That time was at the end of senior year, Chrysalis. This youth revival retreat was life changing; it was when I finally became truly Christian again.

Looking back, I did not mean for this entry to get so long, so I will save the Chrysalis details for another. Know, though, that I finally felt the old relationship with God once again and realized my wrongs after that weekend. It was when the seeds for this blog were planted. I wanted to at least make available my story, to warn people or (God knows) help them (and actually, writing the story out has helped me!).

I want this blog to be God's, so please feel free to leave any prayer requests that you would like to be offered. Please also leave any comments/corrections you have for what I have said. Another thing I am going to try and do is have a verse or story linked to each entry, just to help those like me who have no idea of where to look in the big Book. I ask for all of you a hug from God.

God bless,
Amanda

The Prodigal Son
The Lost Sheep