Oops...

So, last weekend was a great one and then again a tainted one. I got to sleep in, which is always a plus. I also just relaxed. Sunday was so fantastic because it was Craft Day! Painting, writing, digging out all of my old creative notebooks...I loved it. After nearly four months of a creative block, the creative juices started flowing again! Thank You, God! Haha, now I have trouble focusing on my work because all I want to do is paint and draw and write.

The part that wasn't so great really effected me. All weekend and even Monday, I was not in a great mood because of it. So, what happened was that a friend of mine really hurt me. I'm not sure if they meant to or not, but the act was done. For the first time in a very, very long time, I was incredibly angry at someone. I tried to let it go, to forgive them, and give it to God, but I was continuously bombarded with ideas of things I could have said to the person to hurt them like they had hurt me. I could have said some things that would have been way below the belt, but thanks to God, I was given enough self control to hold back and think about the pain I would cause and the avalanche of drama that snowball comment would start.

Tuesday night, I finally sat down, turned on the classical music, and wrote everything out so God and I could figure out what was going on and going to happen. I was finally able to let the incident go for the most part. I still feel a sting when I think about it, but I am no longer angry.

Now, I do have a point to all of this; it isn't just a confession. While I was pouring everything out, I realized that I had had an "oops" moment. I'm not going to "tell on" the person, but in basics, I could tell that something was bothering them, that they were suffering. I really, really care about this person, so I hurt when they hurt. I tried to ask them what was wrong and if I could do anything for them. From my point of view, it felt as if they spat back at me and told me to butt-out, to not care about them, to let them go their own way. That rejection is what really hurt me and made me angry. Well, I read over my thoughts last night, and realized that I have done the very same thing to God!

Oops!

Oh! The shameful feelings that came with that revelation! I was so hurt when my friend rejected my care and help; I can't even imagine how God feels when I do the very same thing to Him! I'll be going through a problem and not go to Him for comfort and guidance. I'll spiritually shout, "No, I'll solve this myself! I alone will defeat it!" If I was hurt so much by the person I care about, I can't even imagine how much Jesus, who loves me more than anyone possibly could, is hurt when I do the very same thing! My eyes were definitely opened to my actions, and I have been humbled.

To add to this revelation, Girl's Small Group Wednesday focused on God's grace. Despite my prideful rejection of His help, He still loves and cares for me. He never turns away, even when I ask for it and act like an ornery child. He never says things that would make me cringe and hurt like I had hurt Him. That is grace: it is always given, ignoring if it is deserved or not. It is a result of love, and what unending love He gives us!

There are a few songs that I just love below. They remind me of how undeserving we are of God's opulence and how incredibly indescribable His love is. They remind me of what grace is and what our Lord has done to give us that grace. And, it was all done despite our rejection. Grace has such a soft connotation, but what a powerful gift it is! Through grace, we are eternally saved. Through grace, we are no longer alone. Through grace, we have a Rock upon which we can stand, we have an embrace into which we can cry, we have a God with whom we can celebrate and enjoy the life He has given us! Wow...

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)--Chris Tomlin

Who Am I--Casting Crowns

Indescribable--Chris Tomlin