WOW!

So, I have been an oober fail at blogging! I apologize tremendously for the long silence if there is anyone still out there following this. If there isn't, well, God is definitely enough of an audience.

Wow, so where do I begin?! The amount of adventures this summer have definitely stacked higher and higher than any three months in my life. It was definitely through the power of God that I made it through this past summer. I traveled abroad to New Zealand in May, took Genetics in June, and worked full time July through moving back to school, and took the PCAT the Saturday before moving back. I have learned so much and grown up some (I believe =P).

I think one reason I have done so horribly with this blog is because I want this to be the Lord's blog, and I admittedly grew apart from Him a little this summer. It is a difficult thing admitting, but I wish to declare it to myself, God, and everyone else out there to make a change. All summer, I could feel myself descending the Lord's mountain and a little while ago reached the bottom of the spiritual valley I am wondering. Going through these valleys is never fun, but as the Lord spots me while I start to ascend again, I am reminded that for everything there is an opposite:

For Life there is Death
For Light there is Dark
For Satiated there is Ravenous
For Joyfulness there is Depression
For a Spiritual High there is a Spiritual Low
For the Whispers of God there are the Billows of the Devil

One side of this list is God and the other is the World, the Devil, and we are the knot on the rope between these two forces. The good thing is that instead of a real tug-of-war knot that is at the mercy of the two forces, we have some power to dictate whose side we end up on: freewill.

We still have to contend with the war of these two sides, though. The World is such a persuasive side. It first throws dirt onto God's proposition. It points out all of the things that the strict Lord asks us not to do, how we become His servants, His slaves. Being a Christian is constant work, and we can be put in some pretty tough situations when our faith is tested. Next the World smears all of our shortcomings in our faces. When we fail God, when we give in to the World, the Devil throws his finger in our face and berates us with, "Look at what you did! How could you possibly be worth forgiveness? You failed again. You always fail. How could God possibly do anything with you because of your stubbornness and weakness? You are not a Christian; you are a fake, a hypocrite! And you know how much God detests hypocrites. You should just stop trying."

It is so tough at times, but we must realize that these thoughts are nothing but poison. The crazy thing about God is that we can go to Him for the 5,000th time, aching and bawling on our hands and knees declaring our shame from the failure, and He will get down on the ground, help our sniveling selves up with His scarred hands, and while embracing us in His loving arms, declare, "what failure, my beloved child?"

No matter where we've gone over the summer, I hope we can start afresh together.

When the Theater is Empty, What Are You Going to Do?

I love movies! It is a past-time of my family that I have come to fully enjoy. I really don't watch a lot of TV, but movies...o that is my weakness. You see, TV shows don't seem to cut it as much for me as movies do. I like deep plots, dynamic characters, and watching a story develop completely, and TV shows just don't seem to have enough time or material to satisfy. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I just want to veg. in front of the TV after a long day, but I am never as content as watching a full movie.

It is also fun to sit back and see the trends of movies. I think it would make an interesting study to look at the movie trends and compare them to the societal situations of the time. A while back, we had superheroes, next are vampires and werewolves (monsters), and now there seem to be a lot of apocalyptic/god movies coming out. Recently, we have seen The Day the Earth Stood Still, Terminator: Salvation, 2012, Zombieland, The Book of Eli, Legion, Clash of the Titans, Percy Jackson, Knowing...and I am sure I am missing some. Movie after movie is resonating with an end of times (or humanity) theme.

How is our movie playing out? Are we sensing an end? We have had a catastrophic amount of natural disasters, the tension of international and local political clashing is all around us, the economy is giving us troubles...we are basically going through some really really tough and scary times. On the Discovery and History channels, there are more and more shows about surviving end-of-the-world disasters, what the earth will be like after humans, studies on Revelations, and a search for the Antichrist. People seem to be focusing more and more on the end times...and this bothers me.

I keep hearing about people trying to predict the end. I have a quote for that: " ³⁶No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,^f]">[f] but only the Father...If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁴So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him." (Jesus, Matthew 24:36-44). If Jesus doesn't even know when the end is, how in the world do we?! I personally like the idea that 2012 is the biggest prank pulled on the world, or the poor Mayan who was calculating all of that got tired.

And the search for the Antichrist, what will you do once he/she is found? If you believe that the Antichrist is coming, then you've got to believe in everything else in Revelation, which means that there is nothing you can do.

The biggest thing that is troubling me is the reason behind our calculating and searching of the end (and I understand that I am being very brutal here): we don't want to follow God until we have to.

Why else would we want to know when He is coming? I think people are consumed by the end of times notion because they want to do their own thing until it is time to get saved and get it right. This idea breaks my heart! The best way to not worry about the end times is to live like they are here right now, to realize that it isn't like jumping on a train last minute as it is leaving the station. Following Jesus is a life change, not the type of decision where you are deciding to have Devil's Food Cake or Ange'sl Food Cake. Jesus even told us to live a Christian life NOW, "⁴⁵Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? ⁴⁶It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns." (Matthew 24:45-46) We don't know and will never know the exact time that the world will end.

Look at Revelation and the description of the end times as a test. If you believe that it will happen, that the world will end at some point, then I urge you to not leave the King in the shadows because the shadows and He will catch up with you. The predictions are warnings, and you should heed them now instead of waiting for them to happen. I know, I struggle with the curiosity as well, but I really think that we need to leave this end of the world business with God and God alone. We have no power to change what has been set down by the Creator, all we can do is just follow Him. And I know that if we follow the script, our movie will have the happiest of endings!

The Olympian Spirit

Do you know what I see?
I see Unity
of People
of a Nation
of a World
I see Celebration
of Culture
of Athletes
of People
I see Barriers
break down
I see Connections
indurate
I see Five Rings
bound together
everlasting
enduring
I see a Flame
upon a torch
in all hearts
passed on
I see the Olympian Spirit
That is what I see.

There is almost nothing more inspiring than the Olympics. It is the one place where borders, language, and culture melt away to reveal our common love for games, team work, and the challenge of being the best that we can be. Nothing about the Olympics is easy. The host country spends years of preparation, unbelievable amounts of money on it, and unmeasurable man hours. The athletes devote nearly their entire lives to their sport. But with all of the costs and challenges of the Olympics, it is all worth it.

When the world turns into nothing but one big game, I think God smiles. When people from 82 different countries can celebrate (or mourn the passing of a great young athlete, Nodar Kumaritashvili) as one spirit, God's creation is shining with His glory.

REsolution

Well, it's been a while! I hope you are all doing well. Christmas and New Years brought excitement, rest, goodies, loved ones, and enough food to keep me occupied through the spring...haha, thank goodness for holidays, right?

Last year's end was definitely different for me. Tragedy dealt my family a pretty hard hand in the fall, and to be honest, I struggled with my holiday spirit. It seems like everyone has gladly said good riddance to 2009.

I hate to deem it a completely bad year, though. I can definitely say that I have learned a few lessons from last year, and perhaps the best thing that happened was that I became closer to
God.

And now, we are sitting at the beginning of a new year, and resolutions are made...

We always talk about our New Year's Resolutions in a joking and secretly dreading manner. It seems that most people see resolutions as daunting, impossible goals that have to be set at too high of a par. We then psyche ourselves up for the ultimate failure of these resolutions by February. What a bummer! To add to this tsunami of guilt, there are all of the diet programs, fitness programs, and self-help programs that claim to offer a new and easy way to survive your resolutions, but really they are just looking for a profit. It is so funny to count how many resolutions are commercialized on TV right now! I'd have to say that my favorite is still the button-busting Subway commercial from last year.

Have you ever looked up "resolution" on Dictionary.com? I was surprised to get 12 definitions for the word! There is the legal resolution, like the president being declared...there is the goal resolution, like New Year's Resolution...and there is the optical resolution, like clarity. Also, most of the definitions were related to a state of mind, to resolve. Thinking back on my resolutions, I don't think that I had the resolve to complete them. I also thought of my resolutions as goals instead of a mentality.

So, I invite you to join me on my resolution experiment ("and, if you try this method, I'll throw in an ULTIMATE SUPER SECRET CHEAT to keeping your resolution!" haha) To start with, there are two parts to our resolutions; the "resolute" part and the "tion" part

Let's start with the "tion" part, the action...

Before you make any resolutions this year, take what you want to change and find out WHY you want to change it. How about that cliche resolution to get in better shape? Ultimately, we just want to be happier with ourselves, right? And in a society that is completely physical, outward appearances seem like the best thing to change. Now, don't think that I am suggesting that we not take care of our God given bodies! Goodness no! I still have the resolution to get in better shape. The only difference this year is that I don't have a size or weight goal; I just want to be proud of the person in the mirror. (I am also using the ULTIMATE SUPER SECRET CHEAT)

Another thing to realize is that most of the resolutions we make, no matter how much we wish they weren't, are really long-term and don't have a quick fix. I think that what really trips us up in February is that we are tired and not seeing any improvement. Boy, wouldn't it be nice if we had that model's body on the commercial after only a month of work! Sadly, that body of theirs came from years of work and continuous maintenance. Sorry, but getting in shape is a life-time resolution. Don't be discouraged by this, though! Do you throw your morals in the air and just give up after every sin? No. You ask for forgiveness and then continue trying to be a good child of God. It ties back to the first point of knowing why you are following the resolution. Another of my resolutions is to have a "now" attitude in that I will really try to not procrastinate and also enjoy the moment. Now, if I am to be practical, I know that I will procrastinate some this year and complain about having to do something, but I hope to look back and be able to say, "Well, Amanda, you didn't procrastinate as much this year, and it was a good year, huh. Good job! Keep up the good work!"

So, know the what and the why of our resolutions. Know our resolutions like the back of our hands. Know our motivations and fears. When he was asked what we should study for the test, my old Physics professor would answer, "know everything." Knowing is a very important half of the battle and will drastically help with living our resolutions. Let's try to see our resolutions as a new beginning and adventure instead of the latest way to torture ourselves.

Now, what about the other half of the battle, the resolute?

Here is the ULTIMATE SUPER SECRET CHEAT that will give you the boost, confidence, and strength that you need to live your resolutions: God. That's right! God, Jesus, Holy Spirit...He created you, so who would be a better person to help change you? He offers 24/7 support, unfathomable love, and a great desire for you to be happy. He is also the best accountability buddy because He always has time. My number one resolution is to be a better listener and follower of God. When I devote everything, even my resolutions, to Him, nothing seems impossible! I know that Jesus, the guy who defeated death, can definitely help me defeat a few extra pounds or patience issues. God and I sat down before the new year and developed what looks like a great game plan. Pray about your resolutions, and I know that you and God can work it out. As I said, it is the ultimate cheat. And it's free!

So, good luck, and happy new year!

Anodyne

Words are such complex things.

I have a marvelous friend with whom I can discuss the most pointless, answer-less topics. It is great. For instance, a while back we were discussing cuss words, and the power of a word. Suppose you asked someone from another country to teach you a word. As a joke, they teach you a terrible cuss word and tell you that it means something else. Well, every time you use that word, you are speaking a cuss word, but are you cussing? This takes us deeper into the subject: is it the word or the intent? I say intent. Haha, a word means nothing until meaning is put upon it, and that is done by using more words! (I can't help but smile; I love this stuff!) But to follow up on the cussing: if the intent is what makes the word unspeakable, does it matter that we substitute these words with lesser ones? Isn't our intention for the word the same?

So, let's go deeper. I was also mulling over the idea of what makes us, humans, different from animals. There seems to be a lot of answers to that question like morals, principles, intelligence, and the ability to speak. However, if you watch Animal Planet, you can find many examples of families, communities, rules, problem solving, team work, and communication that animals follow as well. I remember this show called "Meerkat Manor". No lie, it was a show solely devoted to the soap opera of a meerkat colony. I challenge you to go past the "superior human" complex and really think about the authenticity of this superiority. Are we really that different from animals?








"LOVE, Amanda, love! We've got love!" you argue.

"Oh yes, love." I reply. "So your dog doesn't get ecstatic at your return? Your cat doesn't purr and rub against you when you enter the room? Does your pet act completely normal after the death of a fellow pet? Do eagles, swans, wolves, and some penguins not mate for life?"

Now, please don't get upset. The purpose of this isn't to make you feel animalistic. There is something special about us. However, I still don't think that we can make ourselves superior to animals; it is the One who made us that does that.

Hebrews 8:10 (which is a reference to Jeremiah 31:33) says, "I will put my laws in their minds, and write them on their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." Wow! My favorite part is the last one: "I will be their God, and they shall be my people." That makes me excited and comforted. God has declared himself our God! He will be our Guide, our Creator, our Mentor, the Guy Taking Care of Us.

He has also declared us as his people! THIS is what makes us special, God's special attention to us. He will teach us how to act human, the creation made after His own image. He will put into our minds and hearts His wishes. He could have easily declared the meerkats as his people, but instead, He chose us.

Sometimes I feel as if we Christians get too involved with ourselves. We worry about representing God correctly, about doing what He wants, about acting Christian, and about how our actions affect others. Philippians 4:13 is often referenced as a source of encouragement for us during our struggle: "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." I have a funny story to go along with this. Before I went off to college, the pottery painting shop where I worked let me pick out anything and paint it as a graduation gift. I chose a cross and painted it with a colorful floral design to match my bright, tropical room. I wanted to put my favorite verse at the time, Phil. 4:13, on the cross, but my handwriting is as neat as a second grader's. I asked my boss, an amazing artist, if he could please paint this inspirational verse in the center before he fired it. Well, he painted EXACTLY what I wrote down, which was "Phillippians 4:13". Yes, my spelling is as good as my handwriting. So now I have a cross referencing all that we can do through Christ along with an extra "l" in "Philippians". Oh the irony!

I realized that the way we use this verse is actually backwards. It isn't about what I can do through Christ; it is what HE can do through me. It isn't me who leads others to our Lord; it is Christ in me and in them that leads them to Himself. I have changed this verse: "Christ can do all things through me, if He chooses." I am reminded that Jesus is on my side, and He will empower me for whatever He wants me to do. I am also reminded that I am Amanda, and He is God. Suppose I decide to be a Christian singer who spreads the Word of God through her music, but it isn't what God wants. Well, I can sing with all of my heart and repeat Phil 4:13 over and over again, but I won't be able to woo anyone over to the Lord with my tone-deaf voice. God has a plan for all of us, and we have to be willing to let Him work in and through us as He wants to.

Every week, I try to learn a new, fun word. This week's is "anodyne": something that soothes or comforts. God is my anodyne, and "Christ can do all things through me, if He chooses" reminds me of that. God is in control. There is something in us humans that God loves. You could say that we are the favorite child. We have to remember that we are only children, and we have to remember who our Father is. Remember that He DID choose. He chose to be our God, our Father, our Savior, our Helper, our Friend. He chose us as His children.

To me, that choice is such an anodyne...

Oops...

So, last weekend was a great one and then again a tainted one. I got to sleep in, which is always a plus. I also just relaxed. Sunday was so fantastic because it was Craft Day! Painting, writing, digging out all of my old creative notebooks...I loved it. After nearly four months of a creative block, the creative juices started flowing again! Thank You, God! Haha, now I have trouble focusing on my work because all I want to do is paint and draw and write.

The part that wasn't so great really effected me. All weekend and even Monday, I was not in a great mood because of it. So, what happened was that a friend of mine really hurt me. I'm not sure if they meant to or not, but the act was done. For the first time in a very, very long time, I was incredibly angry at someone. I tried to let it go, to forgive them, and give it to God, but I was continuously bombarded with ideas of things I could have said to the person to hurt them like they had hurt me. I could have said some things that would have been way below the belt, but thanks to God, I was given enough self control to hold back and think about the pain I would cause and the avalanche of drama that snowball comment would start.

Tuesday night, I finally sat down, turned on the classical music, and wrote everything out so God and I could figure out what was going on and going to happen. I was finally able to let the incident go for the most part. I still feel a sting when I think about it, but I am no longer angry.

Now, I do have a point to all of this; it isn't just a confession. While I was pouring everything out, I realized that I had had an "oops" moment. I'm not going to "tell on" the person, but in basics, I could tell that something was bothering them, that they were suffering. I really, really care about this person, so I hurt when they hurt. I tried to ask them what was wrong and if I could do anything for them. From my point of view, it felt as if they spat back at me and told me to butt-out, to not care about them, to let them go their own way. That rejection is what really hurt me and made me angry. Well, I read over my thoughts last night, and realized that I have done the very same thing to God!

Oops!

Oh! The shameful feelings that came with that revelation! I was so hurt when my friend rejected my care and help; I can't even imagine how God feels when I do the very same thing to Him! I'll be going through a problem and not go to Him for comfort and guidance. I'll spiritually shout, "No, I'll solve this myself! I alone will defeat it!" If I was hurt so much by the person I care about, I can't even imagine how much Jesus, who loves me more than anyone possibly could, is hurt when I do the very same thing! My eyes were definitely opened to my actions, and I have been humbled.

To add to this revelation, Girl's Small Group Wednesday focused on God's grace. Despite my prideful rejection of His help, He still loves and cares for me. He never turns away, even when I ask for it and act like an ornery child. He never says things that would make me cringe and hurt like I had hurt Him. That is grace: it is always given, ignoring if it is deserved or not. It is a result of love, and what unending love He gives us!

There are a few songs that I just love below. They remind me of how undeserving we are of God's opulence and how incredibly indescribable His love is. They remind me of what grace is and what our Lord has done to give us that grace. And, it was all done despite our rejection. Grace has such a soft connotation, but what a powerful gift it is! Through grace, we are eternally saved. Through grace, we are no longer alone. Through grace, we have a Rock upon which we can stand, we have an embrace into which we can cry, we have a God with whom we can celebrate and enjoy the life He has given us! Wow...

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)--Chris Tomlin

Who Am I--Casting Crowns

Indescribable--Chris Tomlin

Our Very Essence

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28

You know, it really is amazing how all things seem to work together. It seems that for the past several years, there have been themes of the year. There was the Year to Find Who I Am, the Year to Find My Place, and now, the Year of Living Water. I find myself craving the refreshing, pervasive drink of Living Water, Jesus. Since the beginning of the summer, I have constantly been reassessing my role and conduct as a Christian. It seems that for the past year, I have been fixed completely upon communication with God. Prayer is the main focal point of my life lately. I have wondered how to pray and what for. I will often times run in circles in my prayer. Thanking God for all of His blessing, I have no problems with. The problems arrive when I am presenting a troubling situation to my Father. I start with letting Him know what concerns me, but then my thoughts turn to His omniscience and how He already knows what is going on. I reflect upon His knowledge and then ask Him how He would like for me to pray for the problem. I soon realize that I am an inefficient prayer and turn to woeful, selfish thoughts about how terrible I am about knowing the Lord's heart. In not knowing His heart, I have failed as a Christian...My prayer turns from the concern for a suffering friend to the fretting of my praying ability! I can't help but smile (and perhaps Jesus will join me) at the irony of the situation.

They always talk about peaks and valleys in the spiritual roller coaster we ride on Earth, how we will have high and low points. I think I have been going through one of those bumpy parts of the ride where there are just short waves as the coaster car flies through them. I have had elevated moments where I am so close to the Lord, but then by the end of the week, I will be craving His presence.

Two weekends back, I was in one of those troughs. Just in time, the Wesley Foundation took a fall retreat to Mount Eagle, a glorious place where the beautiful creativeness of God echos through the river valley carved out of the Ouachita Mountains. Imagine sitting on a stone ledge. In front of you is a bird's-eye view of a magnificent river valley with stone and forest-faced walls. Hawks glide effortlessly along, and all around you, you hear the scampering of little feet and the dripping of the rain-moistened woods. While you are sitting on this secure stone ledge, there is another Rock in you lap, the Lord's Word...and thus was my setting. For 30 minutes, we were to go out on our own and have some personal God-time. It was this place where I began to reflect upon what I was doing versus what I should have been doing. After more irritating thought-circles, I finally accomplished what I though impossible: I cleared my mind and listened to the Lord. And do you know what the first thing to pop into my head was? Biology!

Lately, I have been studying cells, and in particular, cell membranes. I will try to refrain from becoming too scientific, but much of what I am about to tell you is pertinent to what Jesus revealed to me.


So, cell membranes are made up of what are call phospholipid bilayers. In other words, cell membranes are made of two layers of phospholipids. The most important thing about a phospholipid is its properties: it has a head that is hydrophilic (water-loving) and a tail that is hydrophobic (water-fearing). With these properties, the cell membrane can form by having the water-loving parts along the outside and inside of the cells where the water is, and on the inside of these heads is the water-fearing part, which separates the inside of the cell from the environment, causing the cell to be a cell instead of random stuff floating in water. Without these phospholipids, cells could not be, and without cells, we could not be.

Now, perfectly does this knowledge coincide with the metaphor of Jesus, the Living Water! Without Jesus, we are dead, just as cells without water are dead, but what about the bilayer separating us from God? We are not angels, and we are not demons. We are human; we have both good and evil in us. We have that God-loving side to us, the one always yearning for Him. However, we also have that God-fearing side, the one wanting to pull away, to hide its face from the Living Water. This God-fearing side can manifest itself in each of us differently. I know specifically that the make up of my God-fearing side is pride. It could also be addiction, impurity, or anything else that pulls us away from God.

This is what the Lord revealed to me that morning, and I thank Him so much for it. While this revelation isn't a happy one, it is one that greatly helps me because I am one who needs to know the face of her enemy. Paul once wrote this struggle of his in Romans 7: "¹⁵I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I understand! I can now picture my pride as my God-fearing side, and I can expect to fight this pride all of my earthly life because it is a part of my essence, just as Paul struggled with his sin.

I am not alone in this fight, though. The Lord provides the answer through yet more cell biology: Laminin. From what I understand, this protein will reach through the bilayer and anchor itself in the water-fearing tails, holding cells together. And laminin's shape can't be a coincidence! It is just one more magnificent example of God's design: that even before Jesus died on the cross, God made us with the cross holding us together! I just LOVE this stuff! It's like reading a favorite book again and seeing the clever clues interlaced in the story leading to the end. Jesus will go beyond our God-loving side; He will grab hold of our God-fearing side and hold us together. THAT is a happy revelation! Now, read this verse in light of what the Lord revealed on that ledge:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28