You know, it really is amazing how all things seem to work together. It seems that for the past several years, there have been themes of the year. There was the Year to Find Who I Am, the Year to Find My Place, and now, the Year of Living Water. I find myself craving the refreshing, pervasive drink of Living Water, Jesus. Since the beginning of the summer, I have constantly been reassessing my role and conduct as a Christian. It seems that for the past year, I have been fixed completely upon communication with God. Prayer is the main focal point of my life lately. I have wondered how to pray and what for. I will often times run in circles in my prayer. Thanking God for all of His blessing, I have no problems with. The problems arrive when I am presenting a troubling situation to my Father. I start with letting Him know what concerns me, but then my thoughts turn to His omniscience and how He already knows what is going on. I reflect upon His knowledge and then ask Him how He would like for me to pray for the problem. I soon realize that I am an inefficient prayer and turn to woeful, selfish thoughts about how terrible I am about knowing the Lord's heart. In not knowing His heart, I have failed as a Christian...My prayer turns from the concern for a suffering friend to the fretting of my praying ability! I can't help but smile (and perhaps Jesus will join me) at the irony of the situation.
They always talk about peaks and valleys in the spiritual roller coaster we ride on Earth, how we will have high and low points. I think I have been going through one of those bumpy parts of the ride where there are just short waves as the coaster car flies through them. I have had elevated moments where I am so close to the Lord, but then by the end of the week, I will be craving His presence.
Two weekends back, I was in one of those troughs. Just in time, the Wesley Foundation took a fall retreat to Mount Eagle, a glorious place where the beautiful creativeness of God echos through the river valley carved out of the Ouachita Mountains. Imagine sitting on a stone ledge. In front of you is a bird's-eye view of a magnificent river valley with stone and forest-faced walls. Hawks glide effortlessly along, and all around you, you hear the scampering of little feet and the dripping of the rain-moistened woods. While you are sitting on this secure stone ledge, there is another Rock in you lap, the Lord's Word...and thus was my setting. For 30 minutes, we were to go out on our own and have some personal God-time. It was this place where I began to reflect upon what I was doing versus what I should have been doing. After more irritating thought-circles, I finally accomplished what I though impossible: I cleared my mind and listened to the Lord. And do you know what the first thing to pop into my head was? Biology!
Lately, I have been studying cells, and in particular, cell membranes. I will try to refrain from becoming too scientific, but much of what I am about to tell you is pertinent to what Jesus revealed to me.
So, cell membranes are made up of what are call phospholipid bilayers. In other words, cell membranes are made of two layers of phospholipids. The most important thing about a phospholipid is its properties: it has a head that is hydrophilic (water-loving) and a tail that is hydrophobic (water-fearing). With these properties, the cell membrane can form by having the water-loving parts along the outside and inside of the cells where the water is, and on the inside of these heads is the water-fearing part, which separates the inside of the cell from the environment, causing the cell to be a cell instead of random stuff floating in water. Without these phospholipids, cells could not be, and without cells, we could not be.
Now, perfectly does this knowledge coincide with the metaphor of Jesus, the Living Water! Without Jesus, we are dead, just as cells without water are dead, but what about the bilayer separating us from God? We are not angels, and we are not demons. We are human; we have both good and evil in us. We have that God-loving side to us, the one always yearning for Him. However, we also have that God-fearing side, the one wanting to pull away, to hide its face from the Living Water. This God-fearing side can manifest itself in each of us differently. I know specifically that the make up of my God-fearing side is pride. It could also be addiction, impurity, or anything else that pulls us away from God.
This is what the Lord revealed to me that morning, and I thank Him so much for it. While this revelation isn't a happy one, it is one that greatly helps me because I am one who needs to know the face of her enemy. Paul once wrote this struggle of his in Romans 7: "15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I understand! I can now picture my pride as my God-fearing side, and I can expect to fight this pride all of my earthly life because it is a part of my essence, just as Paul struggled with his sin.
I am not alone in this fight, though. The Lord provides the answer through yet more cell biology: Laminin. From what I understand, this protein will reach through the bilayer and anchor itself in the water-fearing tails, holding cells together. And laminin's shape can't be a coincidence! It is just one more magnificent example of God's design: that even before Jesus died on the cross, God made us with the cross holding us together! I just LOVE this stuff! It's like reading a favorite book again and seeing the clever clues interlaced in the story leading to the end. Jesus will go beyond our God-loving side; He will grab hold of our God-fearing side and hold us together. THAT is a happy revelation! Now, read this verse in light of what the Lord revealed on that ledge:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."--Romans 8:28
